


Black and White With Shades Of Grey

by SleepingInTheMeadow



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26262913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingInTheMeadow/pseuds/SleepingInTheMeadow
Summary: Regina tells Henry the other side of Snow White’s story: her side.  She couldn’t have guessed her ten-year old son would have so many insights to her past, insights she’s never even thought of. SnowQueen endgame
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Kudos: 24





	1. Colour Blind

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of child abuse and sexual abuse/non-con

"Henry, can you come in here please," Regina called. She heard reluctant padding of Henry's feet outside the closed door of her bedroom. He was still unwilling to face her, especially learning of her true nature, and could go days without talking to her, but this was the best chance she could get.

"Fine," he answered half-heartedly.

"Can you…grab your book and bring it here please?" He curtly nodded to her and shut her door again. Regina flung her head back and groaned. She wiped her makeup-less face exhaustedly and sat back up once Henry came back in, leather cover book under his arm.

"What's this about," he grumbled to her.

"I want to tell you something." He looked like he was going to roll his eyes at her, but she couldn't bring herself to scold him. He had a right to be angry and confused, she gave him that. "This book isn't accurate in telling mine and Snow White's story."

"I'm sure Grandma can tell me," he muttered to himself.

"I'm sure she would, but there are always two sides to a story. Not everything is black and white, dear. I want you to see that as I tell you a story. My story." She always knew he was a sucker for stories, and he couldn't deny the small pull of interest at another story, regardless of who he wanted to hear it from. "So if I'm going to tell you my story, I may as well start from the beginning. The _very_ beginning."

* * *

It was hard for Regina to muster the courage needed to tell her son the truth of her life, but it had to be told at some point. She might as well rip the bandages off sooner, rather than later. She could hardly bring herself to reflect on her past, let alone tell her son about it.

Regina looked down at her hands, clasped tightly in fists, digging her nails into her palms, then closed her eyes. She could just picture it, like a worn photo, but still fresh in her mind.

"My mother was…difficult when it came to loving people; just like me. She did so in questionable ways. My father was kind, but he was quiet when being threatened by absolute power. My mother may have been lacking in some things, but power was never one of them."

She took a steadying breath and looked up at Henry. He was watching her intently, with a little bit of anger, but curiosity overpowered his will to leave.

"She liked to flaunt her confidence and power. Anyone who dared cross her would face a wrath unlike no other. She persuaded people by making them fear her."

"Can we get to the part about you now," Henry asked impatiently.

"Just wait a minute. This isn't easy for me and I need to give you the important details." She sighed and continued. Henry scooted closer to her, ever so cautiously.

"Even when my mother was dealing with me, she never hesitated to use the tactics she threatened other people with on me. She set strict rules for me, I was given a curfew, I was never allowed to have friends over, and she never hesitated in showing just how much power she had over me."

"She hurt you?" It never amazed her how clever Henry was.

"Yes," she admitted begrudgingly. "She used her magic whenever I got out of line, and she would even go to extreme measures to show I was always wrong. Each time she was done punishing me, she would always hold my cheeks in her hand and tell me I was beautiful, that she would expect me to follow her every order, and she would heal every mark she left. She would tell me that a lady doesn't show her marks." Henry drew in a shaky breath and inched closer to her once more.

"Why didn't the book tell me this?"

"Because the book is about the good guys. They never show anything about villains and what they went through. They never show _how_ the villains got so evil. I'm afraid it isn't about the bad guys." He nodded understandingly."She made me believe everything she told me. That I was incompetent, that I wasn't good enough to be a ruler of any sort, that I had disappointed her with everything I did."

"Why did you believe her? You could've walked away," Henry protested. She fought the urge to tousle his hair and admire his innocence.

"Because I didn't want to leave. The young Regina craved her affection and her love. I was looked past, frowned upon, and ignored, so every time she approved of me, I loved it. I ate up her attention like food after being starved for days. Can you understand that?" He frowned and tilted his head. After a second, he nodded.

"You wanted her love, even if it meant she punished you too."

"Exactly. You're very smart. Maybe too smart." He grinned, before he remembered he was supposed to hate her, and wiped his face of emotion.

"Keep going," he urged.

"I was sixteen when I met a stable boy. Daniel." Henry's face flashed with recognition.

"Like my middle name?"

"Exactly like your middle name. He was my first love. We snuck around mother. We arranged picnics and meetings in secret, we never talked to the other more than small greetings, especially when Mother was around. I was happy, immeasurably. I had finally found someone who had loved me like I both wanted and deserved."

"What changed?"

"Snow White." Regina flipped open the storybook to a photo of a young Snow White, poised and perfect in front of a crowd of people. "She rode by on her horse, going way too fast. If mother was there, she would've told me to leave her. But Daniel was there, and I did the right thing. I ran up to her and held out my arm. She let me pull her to safety. As soon as she looked into my eyes, I knew I already earned her affections, and I had her in the palm of my hand. She followed me to the palace, bringing her father. Before I knew it, I was due to marry Leopold."

"But you loved Daniel! You should've been able to tell your mother that you couldn't marry him," Henry reasoned to her. She sighed.

"If only I could. In the Enchanted Forest, royals rarely had the choice to marry who they wanted. Most of the time, their parents would choose who they married. I was heartbroken. In a last-ditch effort, I suggested to Daniel we ran away. He agreed and told me he would have horses ready for us by the next night." Henry looked riveted in her story, while she felt both queasy and dejected. She kneaded her hands together and slid over closer beside Henry.

"At that time in our planning, Snow White found us. I had to tell her that I didn't love her father, and that Daniel and I had true love, and when you had true love, you have to follow it. Of course, she told mother."

"That's why you hated her? Because she told a secret."

"Because of what her dishonesty earned me."

"What was that?"

"A lost love." She paused to take another steadying breath and to force back the tears stabbing at the corners of her eyes. "Mother stopped us when we were leaving. She made us think she was going to let us go. I was mistaken. As she crushed his heart, she told me that Daniel wasn't my happy ending, but she was wrong." Henry looked at her glistening cheeks. He reached to the bedside table and fetched a tissue. She didn't know she was crying until she felt a splattering wetness on the limp hands in her lap.

"Thank you." Henry looked like he was about to cry a little.

"Henry, whatever I told you just now, I would never do. I would never punish you like she did, and I won't ever use magic on you. I swear on my life." He nodded.

"I know. You would never hurt me."

"So I was married to the king, with Snow right by my side the whole time. The king wasn't any better than my mother. He…hurt me. He didn't listen to me, he ignored my begging, he treated me like an object." Henry cocked an eyebrow and reached for the tissue box as another wave of tears washed over the ones drying on her face.

"What did he do? Did you do something that he thought he should punish you for?"

"I…can't tell you that."

"Why not? I'm mature enough to know," he argued.

"Not for this. This is too much. You wouldn't understand it." He sighed and slumped his shoulders.

"But Snow White was always wanting my attention."

"Because she didn't have a mother before then. She wanted you to love her, like you wanted your mom to love you."

"Clever," Regina said earnestly. "But her needs for affection grew into something less maternal. I'm afraid she developed a bit of a…crush."

"Snow White? With a crush on you?" He sounded so shocked, and it took every willing nerve in her body to resist patting his hand, or look for a warm embrace from him. "What happened?"

"I watched her fawn over me, seek approval for everything she did. Sometimes her presence wasn't as bad, other times I slammed my doors on her face in disgust."

"Why? She sounds a lot like you, when you were her age."

"I think you're right. She was so naive and small. Sometimes I'd take pity on her, sometimes I couldn't face her."

"You're in love with her! I think she loves you too!" She paused for a moment to process his absurd statement, as he bounced on her bed with excitement. Then she burst out laughing, while he sat back down, watching her like she was absolutely nuts.

"I'm sure…that's n-Henry that's absurd. Have you also forgotten she's married?" He only raised his eyebrows, urging her to continue.

"Henry, I'm not in-"

"Keep going." She rolled her eyes and drawled on.

"I began to loathe her more and more once I learned magic. But still, as she grew up, she never grew tired of my anger towards her, followed with brief toleration of her, then more anger." Henry's face lit up. I knew that look from anywhere. He was both plotting something and come up with an idea I can only imagine is as absurd as his sudden sureness that Snow and I are in love.

"We reached a different part of the story where you talk about your magic, but you still talk about Snow White. You _do_ love her!" Regina got the slightest bit flustered, but she was determined to never let it show. She'd gotten good at hiding it.

"Henry, I'd rather talk about Snow than my path down dark magic." Even after having the truth told to him, he refused to soak it in. He just kept smiling at her, like he knew something that she didn't.

"Okay, so Snow was getting fonder of me and built up this belief that I liked her just as she did me. She tried… _acting_ on those feelings, ones that I _did not and never will_ reciprocate." Henry looked like he understood what she said, as he tried to make sure he didn't cut in. That was good, it would've been harder if he didn't understand.

"After I…killed the king, I sent the huntsman out to kill her, and that was when I went through a…dark patch."

"Which lasted until you cast the curse."

"Even after. It wasn't until I adopted you. You changed _everything_ for me."

"Can you answer a question for me?"

"Anything."

"Why _did_ you go…dark?"

"Well, it's complicated. Mother's terrible influence on me, the tempting dark magic, and Daniel. I wanted to exact revenge on Snow White, and that tipped me over the line of good and evil."

"I thought you said nothing's just black and white. Doesn't that count with good and evil?"

"Well, in this-"

"-and I think you don't like her because she made you go through _whatever you wouldn't tell me_ with the king." She was raising a child smarter than her. She was both proud and slightly annoyed at how right he was.

"I…never thought of it like that."

"Can I tell you something now?" Regina cocked an uneasy eyebrow. He went on anyway. "I think you should go tell Snow you love her."

"Are you kidding me, Henry? Have you forgotten she's with her true love, and for the last time, I'm not in love with her. You're reading over this too hard."

"Why were you so intent on catching her in the Enchanted Forest? Why did she consume everything you did. You sacrificed you own father so you could get your revenge. Why? Wouldn't it have been easier to just let it go and find happiness with your dad?" At this rate, Regina thought he may be able to replace that cricket-gone-therapist.

"I think it's time for bed." She glanced at the clock. _Two hours_ had gone by?

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? I…want to make sure you're okay," he murmured the last bit to himself.

"Sure, if that makes you feel better. Goodnight."

"'Night mom." Henry snatched the open book off the covers and paused. He set the book down and flew into her arms.

"I'm sorry your mother and Snow's dad did that to you. You didn't deserve it." She nodded against Henry's neck and let him go.

"Brush your teeth." He grabbed his book, hopped off the bed, and left happier than when he came in.

_I need a shower,_ Regina thought. She reached under her made-up covers for her silk nightgown and shuffled into the bathroom. She started the water and climbed in. She turned the heat up as much as she could without burning her skin.

She got out and put on her nightgown, ignoring the lone toothbrush in it's clay holder.

Sleep didn't come to her until late during the night, after getting a little bit of fresh air in her compressing lungs off the balcony. When she did fall asleep, she was awoken easily by invisible fingers around her neck, clawing at her thighs, and the familiar feeling of a heavy weight over her abdomen, the one that even after healed bruises inflicted by the king, still hurt for weeks.

A small voice broke through her heavy breaths and frantic clawing at her chest. Henry was in the door, terror and sympathy stitched onto his gentle face.

"Henry."

"I heard you screaming, and I woke up. I want to make sure your okay."

"I'm fine, dear. I'm sorry I woke you, but you should go back to bed." Henry slunk back into the shadows around the door, but stopped. He turned back around and ran to her bed, throwing his arms around her neck. She jumped back in surprise, but hugged him close. Just like that, the invisible fingers touching her body disappeared for a second, as she held her son tight in her arms.

"I want to stay with you tonight." He didn't look for an answer as he crawled under the covers and held his mother close."Mom? I'm scared too."

"You are?"

"I don't want you to feel like this. You're safe." Instead of replying, she chuckled and descended back under the covers.

"I should be saying that to _you,_ not the other way around."

"That doesn't matter. As long as your safe from them, we're fine." She grinned. _We._ She easily drifted off after that. She had her very own knight in shining armour to protect her. She grinned inwardly and pulled him close.

* * *

Regina hadn't had a dream starring her mother or Leopold in ages. She had just ignored them to the best of her abilities, but now that she reopened her wounds she thought were long since healed, it hurt. It didn't hurt so much that she had the desire to kill Snow with her bare hands like she wanted to in the Enchanted Forest, but she couldn't get out of bed.

Until she remembered the boy sleeping contentedly in her arms, snoring lightly. She chuckled roughly then shook him awake.

"Henry, you have school today. If you aren't up at this rate, you'll miss the bus."

"It's a Saturday," he mumbled to her. She thought back, furrowing her eyebrows, then checked her phone. She laughed again and laid back down. After hanging on the edge of falling back asleep, he scrambled out of her arms and ran down the halls. She rubbed her eyes and followed suit.

He was dragging a barstool over to the counter, climbing onto the seat and reached for the sugary cereal he was only allowed on rare occasions.

He looked over his shoulder and wiggled his eyebrows at her. She sighed and gestured for him to continue. She grabbed a container of quick oats from the pantry and poured some water into a saucepan.

"Porridge? Really? It's the weekend, you should make something less boring." She rolled her eyes and pulled up a seat next to Henry.

"Why wouldn't I have porridge? I'm always boring, aren't I?" He laughed into his Lucky Charms.

"You aren't _always_ boring." He barely hid a fit of laughter in his bowl. She laughed with him and watched him shovel his food into his mouth.

"Are you even breathing?"

"I'm just really hungry." She nodded understandingly and stood back up to make her hot cereal. She heard Henry's bare feet pad across the linoleum tiles, before he stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"I'm going riding with Grandpa today, and Emma's coming with, so you and Grandma can cha,t" he informed, raising and lowering his eyebrows repetitiously. She turned back to the stove, refusing to say anything.

"Come on, you got the hots for Grandma."

"Where did you lear that kind of language?"

"Ruby says that." _Of course. "_ C'mon, I know you do. Look me in the eyes and say that you _genuinely_ don't like Grandma." Regina poured her oats into a bowl and strode over to her son.

"I…don't-"

"I knew it! You looked away, and you stuttered, and you're hands are shaking and you're blushing." She huffed and turned back to the fridge, grabbing a fistful of berries in her hand and dropping it into her bowl. Henry followed her to the kitchen table, where she collapsed into the seat.

"Even if I do, I can't deal with this right now. I have much more pressing issues to attend to."

"Like what?"

"…things that aren't relevant to a ten year old." He smiled at her and leaned over the table, narrowing his eyes at her, watching her every move.

"I don't believe you. I should call Grandma over," Henry decided. He leapt off the chair and ran around to the kitchen, running for the phone.

"Henry, no. Get back here this instant or you don't get special cereal for a month." He considered stopping, but his mom's happiness was worth it's weight in sugary cereal. She spent all her life being sad, why shouldn't she deserve a little bit of happiness? Like she said last night, not everything was black and white. Thankfully, he knew Snow's number off by heart.

"Hello," her voice laced with sleepiness answered.

"Hi Grandma!"

"Hi Henry, how are you?"

"Never been better," he said cheekily. Regina was leaning against the door with amusement and anger tangled on her face.

"Okay then, why are you calling? David is waking Emma up now, so they'll be there shortly."

"Well, my mom wanted to know if you wanted to spend some time with her today," he asked. Now Regina was laughing from behind him, but made no move to stop him.

"Sure. I suppose you don't know where she'd want to meet, do you?" He could tell she was amused at his setting up their day, but he continued on.

"I think she wants to meet at the diner, or maybe her house."

"Okay, I can come over when David and Emma leave. Goodbye Henry." She was barely able to hang up without giggling into the receiver, but Regina wasn't faring much better.

"It was worth it," Henry shrugged, before Regina grinned and pulled him away from the phone.

"You're causing so much collateral damage, young man." Even her typically composed facade didn't make an appearance today, as she left the room, leaving Henry to try and contain his laughter.

* * *

Regina was in her bathroom, putting on the last bit of her makeup. She heard a faint knock at the door, then Henry excitedly yell "I'll get it!" She smoothed her skin-tight blue dress down repeatedly and pulled on a black blazer. She pulled on her heels and glided down the stairs, while Henry and Snow were watching her. She thought she heard the schoolteacher gasp a little, but Regina played it off as her imagination running wild.

"Well, I gotta go," Henry said. Regina chuckled lightly and watched Henry scurry out to David's rust bucket of a truck, and didn't peel her eyes off it until it pulled away.

_What am I supposed to do now?_ Snow clearly thought the same thing, when she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and flitted her eyes around the room. _What did Henry think he was doing?_

"You look very nice," Snow said faintly. Regina tried to hold back a grin. Then Henry's previous statements hit her like a brick. _I'm in love with Snow fucking White._ She groaned inwardly.

"I suppose you don't want to stand in the doorway all day." Regina shut the door behind her and led her off to the den.

"Why was Henry acting so strange this morning? It seemed like he was almost _mocking_ me, like he knew something and I didn't."

"You don't know the half of it," she said under her breath. Not as quietly as she thought, though. Snow nodded along and made herself at home on her leather armchair.

"Would you like anything?"

"No, thank you." Regina sat down beside her and bit her lip.

"So I told Henry our story-or my half of it."

"How did that go?"

"It was…okay, and then not so okay." Snow furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head.

"How so?"

"Well, firstly, talking about it reopened…old wounds. And he understood it all-so much so that he was telling me what _I_ was feeling. And the weirdest part: he was right about it all. Even if I don't want to believe it."

"Right about what?" Regina looked down at her hands then back up at Snow. Her emerald eyes danced with curiosity. "You can't just say that and leave me hanging."

"Yes I can," Regina snapped. Snow sat back, but didn't flinch. If anyone were to be scared of Regina right now, Snow would have the best reason to; but she wasn't.

"You don't scare me anymore. I can tell, you've changed," Snow said. "I can tell you're hurting. You can pretend you're okay, but I've known you for a long time, I can tell when you're in pain. You can tell me."

"I don't think you want to hear about my sorrows. And you couldn't keep a secret if your lips were physically glued shut."

"I promise with this one. I hope you know I never intended to hurt you. Then _and_ now."

"Fine then, if you're so eager to know. Your father? You thought he cared. You thought he was such an endearing man, who could do no wrong. I'm afraid he was a different man in the hours of night. He was an awful husband, who never asked what I wanted. He never once bothered to wonder if I was happy. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate, dear." Snow was frozen, apart from her shaking hands and trembling breaths. Regina wasn't faring any better though, taking deep breaths after her lengthy talk and trying to steady her bouncing knee.

"What?"

"I never consented to his groping hands, his wrinkled body on top of mine, his member inside me. You were too caught up in winning my attentions to notice that I wasn't happy with you or your father. Shall I continue?" Snow snapped out of her worried daze and a steady blush rose onto her ivory cheeks.

"No, he was…there was-"

"-He never loved me. He barely even tolerated me on a good day."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You said that you wanted to know what was plaguing my every thought since I replayed my life over to my son, so here it is." Snow's eyes were brimming with a thin sheen of tears. "I'm sorry, I guess. I probably shouldn't have shared that, but-"

"-no. I wanted to know. You're very brave, you know that?" Of all the reactions, Regina expected much worse. She almost physically flinched. "I could never handle that like you did."

"I didn't handle it well, I killed him. You would've found yourself in a situation relative to mine if I didn't drive you out of the castle. You would've married a royal who's intentions wouldn't be any different from your father's. You are merely an object in a man's eyes back there." Regina held Snow's knee in a slight comfort, then stood up to grab a glass of water.

A pair of hands clung around her waist in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves to go through that." Regina found herself surprised, but didn't pry her hands off. It was a strange feeling. She could smell the younger woman's perfume from behind her. Cinnamon, flowers, and a little bit like strawberries.

"I'm fine, dear."

"I'm not sure you are." Regina ignored her and went into the kitchen, looking for a glass. The kitchen door swung back open behind her.

"Could you grab me a glass as well? And while you're at it, there's something else, isn't there? Tell me."

"You _really_ want to know?"

"With all my heart." Regina almost laughed.

"Henry has made the absurd deduction that I'm in love with you, and that you're still in love with me." Snow was the one who had to hold back a chuckle. Regina strode over to the sink and glanced out the window in front of her.

"Seriously? He has to be kidding." Regina couldn't ignore the girl's flustered smile and heavier blush painting her that shone through the reflection of the glass. She turned around with a glass of water and ignored the horrible sinking feeling in her chest. _It was_ _now or never,_ she thought.

"He isn't. I'm starting to believe him."

"I do not-"

"-there's no point in denying it, dear, you're blush is betraying you." Snow pressed her knuckles to her burning red face. "I certainly stopped denying it, in terms of myself," She said quietly. She handed Snow the glass of water, but quickly withdrew it once she noticed how limp her hand was.

"What?"


	2. Give Me a Rainbow

"He's very intuitive, isn't he," I inquired half-heartedly. Snow was stunned into silence. Her mouth was open slightly and she stared at me with confusion, then absurdity, then finally settling on curiosity.

"I don't…understand. You…love me?"

"Well, love's a strong word, but essentially yes." Regina's clarification didn't help Snow, it only made her face grow paler. "I think you should sit, you look ill." Snow laughed breathlessly, while Regina towed her along to the living room, taking the glasses of water with her.

"You understand this is something I've wanted since I've been a teenager. Probably earlier than that, actually." Regina rolled her eyes.

"I'm fully aware of your childhood obsession."

"It wasn't an obsession," Snow protested. Regina chuckled.

"Always so stubborn," she commented. Snow ignored her and took the glass of water in her hands now.

"But this is hard to wrap my head around. I love Charming. Do I? Do I love you instead? Is it just some crush? What do I do? Oh God, Regina, what do I do? Tell me, tell me. I need to-I have-I need some air."

"Come upstairs with me," Regina said, offering a hand to the shaking princess.

"What? No, I'm not going upstairs! We're you expecting me to just hop right into bed with you, or would you rather do it in Henry's room?"

"Oh God, no, calm down. I thought we could go on my balcony. Did you really think I was going to seduce you into bed? In _Henry's_ room? Are you nuts?"

"No, just- I need oxygen." Regina chuckled darkly and took Snow's hand, leading her onto the balcony through her bedroom. The two could see the entirety of Storybrooke, and the people bustling within."Regina, you have to help me."

"I'm afraid I can't, dear."

"You have to. I can't do this. I don't think I can choose."

"I can't choose for you. I'm biased, remember? It's like asking your daughter to pick the best-looking woman in town. You know damn well she'd pick herself."

"If I taught her well enough, she'd say me. Or you. Or someone else."

"The point is, Snow, I can't choose for you. If I could, I would pick me, any day of the week. But you need to know what you want, and what's best for yourself. This is the time to think about yourself. Okay? Don't think about me, or Charming, or Emma, or Henry when you make this decision. You choose for yourself." Snow nodded and sighed. She leant over the railing and tucked her arms under her torso.

"You did this, Regina. You turned my life upside down, just like you did in the Enchanted Forest."

"Good or bad?"

"Both." Snow sipped her water and thought. "I had tried to convince myself that I was always obsessive when it came to any motherly figure, but I was in a deep state of denial. It was only ever you." Snow chuckled to herself humourlessly.

"You should be granted an exception. This is me we're talking about, it's hard not to fall madly in love with me." Snow giggled and, though she'd never admit it, it filled Regina with hope to fight like hell for her. Because even she had to admit it to herself, Snow White was special, and there wasn't a single bone in her body that's denying Henry's brilliant deduction. It's hard to tell if Regina wants him to be a matchmaker or a detective, with the clear skills he's shown these last forty-eight hours.

"You're so full of yourself, aren't you?"

"Not full of myself. Confident." Snow giggled again and looked up at Regina with the same perfect green eyes that would spend their time looking on at Regina with devotion, back in their own realm. If she could, Regina would spend her time looking at her for eternity. _Henry really did a number on me with that 'you love her' stuff. I went from reluctant tolerance to clearly expressing my deep affection towards her,_ Regina thought. _God, what is it with her?_

They both stood in a comfortable silence, with Snow's brow's furrowing, or nose crinkling sweetly, or her eyes squinting. Regina just watched her calmly.

"Can I kiss you," Snow asked naively.

"What?"

"To…see if it makes a difference in my decision." Regina thought for a moment. _One kiss couldn't hurt._

"Alright, then. Why not." Snow turned to her and looked down timidly. Regina put her hand under Snow's chin and brought it back up. "Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid. I'm preparing."

"Preparing?"

"This is my first kiss with someone other than David, since I met him."

"You've kissed someone else before David?"

"Yes. Did you forget? You were my first kiss." It honestly escaped Regina's mind, the kiss. Snow had found Regina in the gardens in the late evening, and kissed her under the apple tree. It was pleasant, but Regina ended it as soon as it began and left wordlessly. The next morning, she had sneered and glared at the girl.

"I'm afraid it slipped my mind." Regina chuckled to herself. She watched Snow as she planted her hands behind her neck, cupping the base of Regina's skull. Snow bit her lip and began breathing quicker. Slowly, Snow leant forward until their noses were brushing. The anticipation was nearly killing her, but Snow had to be the one to act. Regina wouldn't do anything Snow didn't want.

Snow exhaled and hastily pressed her lips to Regina's and everything clicked. She pulled on the lapels of Snow's jacket to bring her as close as possible. If they didn't stop, Regina wouldn't be able to pull away until they were in her bed.

Snow brought her lips away gently, and caught her breath, with her hands still around Regina's neck and their lips nearly brushing together. Regina closed her eyes, hoping she could take a mental picture of this moment, of Snow pressed against her meekly and her hands playing with the hair at the back of Regina's neck.

Regina exhaled an unsteady breath and opened her eyes, to find a pair of emerald boring into her chocolate brown.

Snow didn't hesitate when she pulled Regina back in, more forcefully than before. She practically pounced onto her, forcing her lips apart to brush her tongue against Regina's. Snow dragged her teeth over Regina's bottom lip when detaching from her. Snow was grabbing Regina's hand, tugging her into the bedroom, to no avail.

"Snow, no. You're married. I will do this if you break it off with your husband."

"Please," Snow begged breathlessly. "I don't care about Charming right now. I need this. Please, Regina. Please." Snow was desperately tugging on Regina's arm now, looking like she was close to panicking.

"You need to be sure of this," Regina said. "Absolutely sure."

"I've never been more sure in my life," Snow said. Regina gave in to her tugging and dove in fully. She captured Snow's lips in a heated kiss, winding her fingers through dark curls, while Snow opened the door from the balcony to the bedroom and stumbled in, bringing Regina with her.

Snow backed up until the back of her knees touched the edge of the bed. Regina picked her up and placed her onto the bed. She crawled on top mildly and sat over Snow's waist, who was wiggling for any kind of friction.

"I need to know you want this, that you're one-hundred percent sure that you want this."

"Yes, I want this, please Regina, please." Regina smiled wistfully and tousled the woman's hair before dipping down to nip at her neck, near her pulse point. Snow groaned and held Regina where she was.

Snow smelled like the flowers in the palace gardens, pine trees, and a little bit like an old book. She subtly sniffed her hair and moved downwards, dragging her nose over her collarbone, down to the top of her t-shirt. Snow clawed at Regina's back, twisting the bottom of her blouse between her fingers.

Regina lifted her head to lift the t-shirt over Snow's head, then unbuttoned her own blouse.

"You're so beautiful," Snow said, biting her lip. Regina snaked down her body and hovered her lips over Snow's stomach.

"So are you," Regina murmured against her skin, before nibbling her way up to Snow's heaving chest. "Last chance to end this."

"The only way this is ending is when I'm sweating and-"

"I get it," Regina chuckled. "As you wish, my dear." Regina reached behind Snow's back to unclasp her navy blue bra and kissed each inch of skin that was revealed from behind the cloth. Snow threw her head back and gasped. Regina grinned against her skin before completely removing the bra and throwing it to the ground.

She kneaded both Snow's breasts while bending down to kiss her. Snow bit down on Regina's bottom lip and poked her tongue into Regina's mouth. They danced in this endless tango until Snow couldn't take it anymore and rubbed her thigh over Regina's hip. Regina pulled back and made her way down to Snow's heaving breasts, palming one, and suckling the other.

"Please, Regina" she moaned, and Regina could feel the vibration reverberate off her lips. Snow sat up and leaned against the headboard as she undid Regina's own bra, while running her nose down Regina's clavicle, pressing tiny kisses on her along the way. Regina grinned and retreated down Snow's body, muttering against her how beautiful she was.

Regina hooked her thumbs on the waistband of Snow's panties, pulling them down, and kissing her left hipbone. She looked Snow in the eyes as she dipped down to the apex of her thighs and planted a kiss to her inner thighs.

"Tease," Snow murmured.

"What's that dear?" Regina smirked to herself before moving forward and slipping her tongue out to lick along Snow's slit.

The woman above her was writhing and panting, slinking her nimble fingers through Regina's hair, tugging and pressing her forward. Regina chuckled and felt Snow moan and wriggle once more. She began licking from entrance to clit and back again, nearly dipping her tongue inside, but pulling out and dragging herself up to her clit. She heard Snow groan her name and beg her with everything she had.

"You're gonna kill me," Snow breathed.

"I take pride in that," Regina said against her, before dipping a finger inside her and swirling the tip of her tongue over her pulsing nub. She felt Snow grow tighter like a coiled spring, and knew she was nearly there. She added another finger at the same time she started sucking her clit.

Snow nearly screamed as every nerve in her body exploded, all the way up to her brain as her legs flew up and held Regina's back in place. Her mouth was opened in a silent shout, which quickly turned into a regular shout and a lengthy moan as she settled down and brought her feet back to the bed. Regina smirked to herself once more before settling beside Snow, still gasping and gaping at Regina with wide eyes.

"Oh my God," she breathed. Regina took pride in making her scream, but she couldn't help but worry, for both of them. What if Snow chooses Charming? What if he found out before she made her decision? So many things could go wrong, and they didn't fail to make Regina see that this could've been a mistake. It wasn't though. She loved everything about it.

"You are so gorgeous," Regina murmured. Snow laughed and put a hand against her forehead.

"My hair is no doubt a mess, I'm extremely sweaty, and I'm head over heels for you."

"Well, if it helps, my hair is no messier than yours, I have you smeared across my face, and I'm dripping wet," Regina whispered the last part.

"Let me take care of that," Snow murmured.

* * *

"So…how'd it go?" Henry asked. Regina rolled her eyes and laughed, but gave him the bare minimum of details. He hopped around excitedly.

"So she might choose you!" Henry skipped around his mother, then proceeded to make his rounds through the kitchen and dining room before coming back.

"I thought you loved your Grandma and Grandpa. Why do you want them to split up?"

"That doesn't mean they'll stop being my Grandma and Grandpa, it just means they don't love each other."

"Haven't you been rooting for their true love since the storybook?"

"Yes, but you deserve a happy ending. I don't think you're the Evil Queen anymore, so if you aren't a villain anymore, that means you can get a happy ending. Snow White is your happy ending." She chuckled. _Happy ending. With Snow White. Never thought_ that _would happen._

"What makes you think I'm not the Evil Queen anymore?"

"You're with Snow White. You don't want to kill anybody anymore. You're not _doing_ evil, so you _must_ be good!" She smiled kindly and ruffled his hair.

"How about some lunch?" Henry followed his mother to the kitchen, where he helped her make grilled cheese sandwiches. She normally wouldn't cook something so _unhealthy,_ but she was too distracted to do anything other than fry two pieces of bread and cheese.

She watched him eat from the entryway of the dining room. She couldn't stop the thought that ate at her brain like bleach.

_Who is she choosing?_ I _couldn't have gained an upper-hand from this morning's_ strenuous _activity alone._

_"_ I'm going to go take a shower," she said to Henry. He smiled up at her and nodded. Since last night, he's been completely open and hasn't avoided talking to Regina, which was a change from how things were before.

Even the scalding hot water couldn't stray her thoughts away from the nagging feeling that she was going to be cursed with another broken heart. And God knows what happened the _first time,_ She sure as helldoesn't want to imagine what would happen if it broke a second time.

She tied her bathrobe in a knot and went into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed, was Henry, flipping through the storybook frantically. He looked up guiltily.

"Tell me about my grandfather. Please?" Regina snickered and sat down beside him. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was still thinking of everything that happened the night before.

"He was kind, very kind. He always said the right things when you were sad, and he stuck by you. Even when you did bad things, he loved you, no matter who you were or what you did." Henry was sitting patiently beside Regina, closing his eyes to imagine him."Here, how about we go visit him."

"Really?"

"Of course. He's your…adoptive grandfather, but no less your grandfather." Henry nodded as she nudged him out of the room to change.

Regina pulled up her car to the entryway of the cemetery and got out. Henry followed, with a single white rose in his fingers. He touched the petals and spun the flower around by the stem anxiously.

Regina pushed open the doors to the crypt and stood at the head of the tombstone. Henry didn't say anything, and neither did Regina. Henry touched the top of the stone wistfully and placed the single rose on the stone, over the metal plaque.

Regina pressed two fingers to her lips, then brought her fingers down to the name written on the plaque. Henry left the crypt and made his way back to the car.

"I love you, daddy," Regina whispered, before leaving the crypt and shutting the door.

Henry barely spoke on th drive back, but this time, Regina was thankful. It's been a hot minute since she thought of her father, and the near-mistake she made. Truthfully, she didn't regret this curse, because she got Henry, and she's getting better at finding the woman beneath the Evil Queen. The woman who is helplessly deep in love with the girl she's vowed to hate. It still struck Regina as unexpected, but Henry knew her better than she knew herself. His grandfather would be so proud of him. She smiled to herself and pulled up to her house.

Regina was hoping Snow would be on the steps, waiting with her decision, but she was nowhere to be seen. Henry could nearly read her disappointment and patted her shoulder, before climbing out of the car. Regina sighed and got out to follow her son to the door.

Regina didn't expect her to choose just yet, but it was hard not to keep your hopes up with someone so reckless and spontaneous like Snow. The sun was just dipping towards the horizon, but it was still a little early for dinner.

Henry ran up the stairs to his room, and Regina took the opportunity to dig around for the strongest drink she could find. She pulled out her bottle of brandy and a tumbler.

She collapsed onto the couch, holding the glass close to her chest. _I was right when I said Snow White was going to be the death of me. I was just wrong with_ how _she would kill me,_ Regina thought. She chuckled and downed the contents of her glass.

Regina rolled her head back until she was staring at the roof. She slowly closed her eyes and images danced across the backs of her eyelids as she drifted off to sleep. It wasn't a surprise she saw Leopold on top of her, sweating and red-faced, eyes gleaming with the determination of a predator, and a grin as he released himself inside her.

She slammed her eyes shut and dug her nails into her palm. It was silly to think he was done after one round, but she really hoped he would climb off her and leave without a second thought. She was trapped under him, her wrists were held down beside her head by his sweaty palms, and he was gasping for air. _Maybe that horrible man could do without a little bit of air. He can see how it feels._ He quickly recovered though, never letting her go and never letting up.

She felt her left wrist go free, before a hand swept across her face forcefully. Her head snapped to the side and tears trickled behind her eyes.

"On your knees," he growled, pulling her upright and down onto her hands and knees. In this single moment, she wished for death. She deserved death, at least. She didn't deserve this horrible fate, no matter how much anyone told her she did.

"Mom," Henry called to her. He sprinted to the armchair she was in and shook her awake. "Mom wake up, you're dreaming again!"

Regina flinched and sat up, forcing her lungs to slow down. She coughed and choked as she raised her head to face her son. He was near tears and sitting on her lap, silently begging with no noise coming from his lips.

"Henry," she breathed. "I'm sorry. I fell asleep, I can make supper now."

"No, you're not. I already called Snow and she's on her way. I want you to tell me about it. Maybe it'll help with your dream."

"No Henry, this isn't something that I can discuss with you. You need to leave me, go play in your room. Please, Henry. Please." Henry was openly crying now, and he buried his head in the crook of her neck. She felt his tears against her skin, and they felt like red-hot shame being engraved in her skin. She's _hurt_ her son by keeping her monsters from him.

She grabbed his back and held him close as her tears flowed freely, staining his blue sweater, but she didn't care. She has her son in her arms, begging for his life, because Regina _is_ his life. They were both collapsing in on themselves like two dying stars, and Regina was breathing heavily into Henry's ear, balancing on the line that separated sanity from insanity. _Rot in hell, Leopold. I said nobody deserved what I went through, but I was wrong._ You _deserve everything that happened to me and more._

Snow burst through the doors and heard Henry and Regina sobbing. She poked her head into the living room and was about to bolt up the stairs when she caught sight of Regina and Henry in her study.

"Oh God," she cried, running through the doors of the study and kneeling beside the chair.

"Henry, I need to talk to your mother for a moment. Can you leave us for a minute?" Snow asked calmly. Henry grumbled and whimpered when Regina unwound her hands from around him. Henry wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater and reluctantly left. When Snow heard the door to his room shut quietly, she ensnared Regina into a tight embrace.

"Henry didn't tell me what was going on, but he said you were sad and having a bad dream so I came as quick as I could. Oh God, don't tell me I did this-"

"-No, this doesn't have anything to do with you. It's…Leopold."

"Do you wanna tell me about it? Maybe it'll make you feel better." Regina snickered to herself and nodded against Snow. Regina scooted over so the other woman could sit as she recounted the dream in vague detail, sobbing and failing to breathe by the time she reached the end.

"You're safe here, okay? Nobody is going to hurt you, and I'll make sure of it," Snow assured. Regina half-laughed, half-sobbed, and didn't make any move to let go of Snow. "I thought for a long time, and I choose you," Snow whispered. Regina smiled to herself, but her joy was quickly washed away like water tearing down a sandcastle.

Henry quickly poked his head back inside and placed two mugs on the table.

"One hot chocolate with cinnamon, and one regular," Henry said. After setting them down, he climbed back onto Regina's lap and hugged her once more before leaving.

"Thank you Henry," Snow said. Henry nodded and left once more, shutting his door loudly enough to not raise suspicion and sat at the top of the stairs, hearing the two women mutter to each other.

"Oh, I need to make supper," Regina said, letting go of Snow.

"No, you don't. I will." Regina didn't object, but just collapsed against the couch again and hugged her arms around herself. _What did I do to deserve this?_ Regina didn't want to answer that.

Snow dug around the kitchen for a moment looking for something to make, but came up empty. Instead, she picked up the phone and ordered pizza.

Regina heard the doorbell ring ten minutes later, and Snow muttered to someone else. She caught a glimpse of Snow holding something in her arms. She came back in quickly with a plate with two slices of cheese pizza.

"I know it's unhealthy, but it's the only thing I could think of. Plus, it's comfort food!" Regina chuckled and reached for the plate, keeping her knees tucked under her chin. Snow sat down with her, and not long after, Henry joined them with his own slice of pizza

"Grandma, why aren't you eating?"

"You're mother's more important than eating right now." As if on cue, her stomach growled loudly.

"Go eat, I'll be fine for two minutes." Regina smiled through the dried tears, and Snow only held on tighter.

"I'll be fine," Snow said, hugging Regina closer. Nearly an hour passed before Regina saw the clock.

"Henry, time to get ready for bed," Regina said. Henry got up and went up the stairs and into the bathroom. "Thank you for staying, but you should go home, it's late."

"No way. I'm staying with you tonight, and the night after, and the night after that. As long as you want me, I'll be here."

"I think I'll take you up on that offer," Regina mumbled. "I have another toothbrush in the top left drawer of the bathroom, if you want, you can use that."

"No need," Snow said. Regina tilted her head in confusion, so Snow got up and picked up the overnight bag she left at the door. "I was hoping you would've let me stay."

"I would've," Regina mumbled. Snow smiled at her before running up the stairs to her bathroom. When she heard Snow leave, she stumbled out of the seat and to the kitchen, where her coffee maker sat.

Regina turned it on and waited for the coffee to finish filtering. She tapped her fingers against her mug, but the coffee wasn't finished before Snow was calling out her name.

"Regina, what are you doing?" Snow rushed over to her in a pair of blue shorts and a black t-shirt.

"I'm not falling asleep again." Regina muttered.

"I'm sorry, but you can't avoid your demons forever." Regina sighed and turned around.

"You have to let me try."

"Please just try and sleep. If you have another nightmare, I'll be there." Regina thought and turned off the coffee maker.

"Thank you," Snow said. She kissed Regina's cheek before taking her hand and tentatively walking upstairs with her. Snow waited for her to brush her teeth and change. Regina popped out of the bathroom and tucked herself under the covers. Snow immediately draped a hand over Regina's waist and pressed herself close to her.

"Snow?" Regina's eyes were boring into Snow's. Regina's eyes weren't the Evil Queen's eyes. The Evil Queen's eyes were ice cold and scorching hot. Dismissive and angry. Her dark eyes scan everything with malice and hatred. Regina's eyes were warm and easy to get lost in, like melted chocolate. They were passionate and fiery; so fiery that if she watched you, you would immediately melt into a puddle. They're defensive and stoic, but past the brick wall, they were hurt and precious, and so, so beautiful.

"Yes Regina?" Regina's bottom lip twitched and she didn't like how open she was, but it felt good to relieve herself of it, just for a minute.

"Hold me?"

"Always."


End file.
